Whose hand to hold?

Not everyone is so lucky to be able to raise this question of “whose hand to hold?” In this quest, when we reach out there, we run into the majority of these self-proclaimed saints–Peers–who have everything to offer but the perfect path to THE ONE!

What helps you to be certain of your guide to be true is to know that he traveled the divine path – well-aware of all the ups and downs. He is the one who knows the way to Allah and has experienced the Divine Oneness and can take others along with him on the way to Allah saving you from being attacked by your Nafs and the Satan.

Your real Mentor–Murshid– is obligated to adhere to the rules of Sharia and the ways of the Beloved Messenger (peace be upon him) with unequivocal respect and commitment. A role of Murshid is to educate those who are astray on the spiritual path. A guide who has no respect for “Sharia” or takes a dim view of it is himself astray. Hence, unaware of the perfect way and unable to enlighten others.

He must have the principled characteristics and etiquettes taught by our Beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), showing how pure his heart is. A true Murshid is the one teaching with life-like instances as well as with his advice. He is esteemed by dint of his character, and he fills the hearts of his followers with love for the Sunnah.

It is also essential that his spiritual lineage (Shijra) is of true Tareeqat, beginning from our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), passing down to the noble Companions, and the mystics after them.

A Sufi saint states that one must not set a criterion for his Murshid to be capable of performing miracles as this is not a requirement of a spiritual guide or a Wali.

Regarding this, Hazrat Mawlana Jalaluddin Rumi (RA) narrates the following story in his Masnavi:
Looking at a man tilling the earth, a fool being unable to control himself yelled, “Why are you ruining this soil?”

“Fool,” said the man, “leave me alone. Try to recognize the difference between tending the soil and wasting it. How will this soil become a rose garden until it is disturbed and turned over?”

This story indicates and verifies the significance of the Shaykh who acts as the tiller, testing the mureed (disciple) by turning over his heart and nurturing his inner soil benefitting the mureed ensuring the realization of his full inner potential and consequently lifting up his spiritual level.

Now it is the obligation on the disciple to stay determined with whatever he is ordered by his spiritual advisor (Murshid). It is also essential that he keep his spiritual advisor informed about his experiences and observations during the journey of “Sulook”.

Finally, there comes a time when the Murshid gives his disciple the “Khilafat” which is a great honor and responsibility as well to continue this noble mission of the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) to prepare others and make it possible for them to reach Allah (SWT).

Anger

Anger is a state of mind one gets into ranging from mild irritation to a blind rage. Having or showing it up to a controllable extent is productive but seeing it getting out of control causing problems at your workplace, home with your loved ones is a common occurrence resulting in making you feel like a slave to it.

Both external and internal events can be the causes for being angry. It could be a person such as your classmate, your coworker, your boss or a situation like a massive traffic jam, a delayed flight or even the harrowing or infuriating events.

 Naturally, people’s response to anger is with aggression, and the expression may accompany a stream of swearing words or a physical fight and in case of facing someone affected by it, we should be able to act defensively which strangely enough requires the same feelings to survive.

 This is also, on the other hand, a fact that we can’t go about taking it out on others or non-living objects in case of getting irritated or annoyed; the bounds we have in our society put limitations on such behavior.

 Generally speaking, there are three approaches while dealing with anger; to express, suppress or calm. The best way is to verbalize assertively which surely is the safest and healthiest way to let it all out. But this requires you to learn to make sure of the clarity about your needs, meeting them without causing offense to others. Sounding assertive mustn’t give an impression of being opinionated or adamant but respectful of others and yourself too.

 Suppression and then the redirection of angry feelings towards something positive or constructive indeed helps the person simmer down, but when the expression of the feelings is not well-stated, it gets back and causes hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

 Contained anger means more serious problems leading to passive-aggressive behavior (hitting back at others indirectly pointlessly). People being judgmental and cynical find it difficult to deal with their anger in a constructive way. No wonder they are the ones left alone in the end.

 

People being more hotheaded don’t express their angry feelings conspicuously resulting in being cantankerous and may remain unwell physically.

 Relaxation through deep breathing, repeating a calm word or some phrase such as “take it easy”, imagining a relaxing experience from your memory, muscle-calming and moderate exercise such as yoga, and listening to music, is not that hard to do.