Attending Funerals

At funerals, there are numerous things that come into our sight; reprehensibly regrettable for sure. From the moment people get to know about someone’s demise till the time when they noisily burped being a sign of their departure usually at which they come up with the words like, “We will drop by soon at our earliest”.

 When we are hit by a shocking piece of news of someone’s death, be it premature, untimely, or accidental, we have a couple of questions in our minds popping up over and over till they are answered satisfactorily.  Strangely enough, it is about attending the funeral first? As we have grown used to congratulating people on their marriage with a bunch of flowers having a quote we can never even in our wildest dreams construct, wishing them on their birthday with a picture of cake, we with no sense of respect write rather take a picture from the internet saying “Ina lillahi wa Inna Ilaihi warajion” and we think we are done with giving commiseration.  Sometimes, we are so pushed for even a minute that we write this incorrectly and realize when it is too late to rectify. We mostly avoid calling them to express our condolence as there is a chance they will ask for our presence which becomes difficult to turn down.  

If by any chance we pay a visit to the house of the deceased, which mustn’t be after the funeral is taken to be buried as this is disrespectful,  we either are busy calling someone on the cellphone, checking FB for the updates, or standing outdoors ideally at the corner of the street smoking with our type. We hardly stay for a couple of minutes and then preferably leave thinking we will save our face saying there was a call from the office urgently requiring us to be back. This may happen when the funeral is on a working day or else we may not only perform the funeral prayer but also go to graveyard for the burial. Some of us, especially females, also dress up in such a manner that attention is diverted to us from the grieving family of the deceased. Additionally, we must have a proof of our visit so we take selfies and put them up of FB and Instagram for likes and comments. No wonder, in the days to come we will have selfies with the deceased as well or perhaps it is in but its practice is not general yet.

We also take our kids along with us without realizing them being old enough to understand death. In the result, they are terrified to see the mourners crying bitterly and the kind of crying we do usually includes wildly emotional and exaggerated reactions which can surely make these little visitors mentally challenged.  

Moreover, there is a weighty responsibility on the grieving family to make sure that people who come for condolence are properly fed as it is considered a cultural obligation. For this, “Biryani” usually serves the purpose. Which Pakwan should it be arranged from? How much should be the quantity? These also are the questions of paramount importance. We can’t just turn a deaf ear to the majority if it arrives at a consensus where to get the biryani from. But if it is not so, it is advisable to surrender to the fussiest ones. Quite a sight it is when this funeral food is served. Some brazenly sit without wasting time; possibly closer to the place where the food is served from, some show fake reluctance which still reflects some respect, and some say that they would sit at the end after most of the people have left. Upon food being served, some of us are so fussy; pretty much concerned about how many “Botiyan” are there in the plate. If not, we shamelessly ask for it out loud, encouraging others too who might also want to say so but waiting for someone to make the first move. And if a good number of “Botiyan” are there and we still don’t like it, we don’t feel shame at all to go and get what we want ourselves. Here I feel obliged to mention that we are supposed to have only a few morsels and try to encourage the mourners to eat with us as in this difficult time, they lose their appetite. Another associated issue is about parceling Biryani for which we even take shopping bags with us too as someone else who couldn’t make it can have it at home.

After most of the people have left what keeps the rest of them busy are the questions like who were expected to show up but didn’t and those who weren’t expected but came. Those who didn’t turn up, call with several apologies for not making it. Finally, people begin making for their homes. A day or so goes by, and it goes back to normal.