Running from pillar to post

Life, at any point of time, for a mediocre or rather a common man, becomes more than just an ordeal. It is when this poor creature falls ill means falls prey to the certified terrorists, commonly known as doctors; pretty good at treating humans so cold-bloodedly that one can’t verbalize it.

A guy with merely an ailment knows it for sure that he won’t get quick results until he is given a shot; antibiotic medicines and syrups supposedly effective enough to subside the intensity swiftly. Funnily enough, it’s a common practice in the urban life as well. People really can’t help having the satisfaction until they visit a doc whose consultation fee is indeed high to bear. 

Now comes the part when these so-called-highly-qualified doctors begin to diagnose with typical questions about the life patterns and what not to show concern wherever it gives them a clear reason for the illness, but it doesn’t mean that they are sure of it. They, now, start putting down as many laboratory tests as possible with the condition of only some famous names being accepted. Here we must discuss what happens to those who can’t afford such doctors-what do they do? The answer is simply government hospitals where you are fortunate if you get to see a doctor. However, you get disappointed when the dispenser doesn’t give you any medicine, but if you have somebody influential there, it’s done then and there without you having to wait and worry.

The condition of the private hospitals is not at variance as such. You still don’t get any quick attention unless you make noise, in fact; using abusive language most of the time does the job. In the event of an emergency, their service is so pathetic that one can never imagine. Sadly, there has been a case of a guy, supposedly expired, brought to a renowned local hospital, was examined by the doctor on the duty, then, with his Nokia cell phone torch throwing light into the patient’s eye to see if he was alive. For God sake! This isn’t medical treatment at all; I don’t even know what to name it!

Remember, hardly a decade or so back, there were doctors so good in their manners; I mean the first acquaintance of just the greetings exchanged would get us a light feeling. Then their sincere behavior with generously given time for the examination was worth waiting even for an hour. When did it become a business to them? Why don’t they feel the pain they treat is nothing than the pain they cause in the name of treatment? What got into them to believe in easy money? What taught them the culture to objectify the suffering souls? I am after answers to these hackneyed questions! ARE YOU?

My Boss - The Necessary Evil

In my entire working life of two decades so far, I have been with a number of “Bosses” with obvious different characteristics that can be told apart easily, but due to some of the strikingly similar attributes in their ways of getting things done will make them fall in the same category with hardly two among all being exceptions.  On their arrival, it was a usual practice observed in their greetings with some variations such as a wordless grin, nodding with merely soft face accompanying some frowns signaling a warning of nothing else at all, flat-faced greeting, and no greeting at all with an expressionless countenance; as if it was some rule to maintain their workplace persona with all airs and graces.  

Now, having been done with “The Preamble Thingy”, I can’t wait to bring forward; the most bizarre - a-never-having-been-seen kind of Boss, who never got off my nerves. A mixture of both pluses and minuses to the highest humanly possible level that can get anybody into a feeling of being ambivalent about her. What just a cursory look can do is just enough to notice this tall, strong, dominating, abrasive tongue (usually in the matters of things not done on time), pretty good at fear tactics, and expecting others to read her mind rather than her being in the mode of putting efforts to put her point across.

On entering, she - unlike the usual bosses - greets with a smile, but when she gets into her office, things jump out to be noticed, and if not placed there in a manner she likes, it ignites her and that means - trouble for the one responsible for that and if he/she is not around, whoever comes into sight makes up their minds to bear the brunt of it. As the day ticks by, she goes deep in her work which is so comforting for the rest unless it requires some specific team member to be summoned with a valid reason to save his neck. If the nature of the task makes her move around which she, nowadays, doesn’t seem like much because of the backbreaking pain - “Lumbago”, she can be furious. She likes things being done swimmingly - distributing the task, always sort of tough with a deadline, expecting no argument over it, and if that happens, you are so unfortunate to be in her bad books which keep moving around with her invitingly.

I remember mentioning her a mixture of pluses and minuses, but I focused on only the second one - first. Now let’s see one of her other personality colors reflecting her a fresh grad speaking the vernacular laden with the most recent circulating slangs - not the Taboos - whose behavior is baffling when you get to know her since she can be just like one of your friends; giving you five, patting on your back, manhandling you and you name it. She is pretty good at creating close proximity to every single individual that they find themselves very comfortable to open up before her without having known her long enough.

She even becomes the point of contact for those who don’t actually have a direct association with her. People don’t hesitate to bypass their immediate bosses frequenting her office, speaking their heart and bringing their concerns, as it is so typical of her to get people quick-fix to their issues. This accounts, presumably for a soft corner of her heart, but it doesn’t get activated all the times - means she has it what it takes to be a “Fairy godmother”, but this one is the one of her own kind whose moves can’t be predictable.

She, being a typical paradox, doesn’t see who she is going to help or support; it is really regardless of their gender or designation. Reasoning with the higher authorities for the due rights of her team members or co-workers is something she can’t help.

It’s been a while since I have been a crucial cog in the machine run under her supervision. I was also of the opinion, having seen the rest that I should be geared up or else I would suffer too. But with the passage of time, I realized that she would respect me or my gray beard and would always keep a civil tongue. Not only this, she would take care of me like a daughter and proved it practically too, by taking me to the hospital once. I don’t exactly remember, but others said she had never ever been seen so worried.

Days went by till that heartbreaking moment came when she couldn’t help shouting at me making me feel like everybody else there. I started shivering, couldn’t stop my tears rolling down on my cheeks with a lump in my throat, making it very difficult to say even one word. The more I tried to choke my tears back, the more they were out. Seeing me so upset, there was a wave of worry on her face. I kept trying harder and harder to regain my composure and finally I left for my room and asked my assistant to leave me alone. He just then was out of the room. I could hardly bounce back and the entire day dragged heavily on me. I had never felt so humiliated and I don’t know why it came from somebody I thought to be different for me. It was so overwhelming that even now I am tearful.

She is much younger than me and just like my daughter was what calmed me down and kept me going on. She then made an apology, which was very kind of her.

In my whole life, I couldn’t stay at a place where my justified right was taken away and self-respect was hurt. I don’t know what held me back from being who I used to be; taking decisions without any let or hindrance. However, I feel connected to her and many more who are with me. They really are lovely people and I, as good luck would have it, find myself fortunate to be surrounded by such souls. I pray to  God to grant her blessings and keep all sorts of troubles away. 

About me

Honestly, I  always wanted to write about the things I learned in my life. It hasn’t been long since the idea of sharing my experiences with me being a totally worldly person turning into somebody having the lowest possible level of access to the things I would always take as mysteries.

I firmly believe, maybe it isn’t agreeable to some or majority of the people, that steps, taken towards the “Supreme Being”, surely helps you earn the right to be in the list, but it is after all your destiny along with never-ending sort of ordeal you have to undergo – like status like an ordeal. As “Hazrat Rumi (RA)” says, “If you get so irritated on every rub, how will be polished?”

Monster monotony

Monotony:experienced round the clock, at times, strikes you so horribly that you find yourself  dysfunctional even noncompos mantis at the least. To some, it may sound intriguing but in the actuality, people go even up to the extent of suicidal tendencies.  But, exerting oneself tirelessly leads to a very strong likelihood of a dramatic twist. 

This dreariness in life triggers this question umpteen times circulating in my head that why always me. What is it that can gratify a soul like mine? This very unanswered question spirals out of control making its constituents striking me harder worsening the impact on me which I barely have the endurance for. 

Though acutely affected by it, I myself sometimes feel fortunate enough to deal with this unimaginably physical and mental suffering or perhaps I’ve been genetically programmed to at least keep putting efforts against such never-ending sort of odd in my life. However, surprisingly enough, when disentangling it on my own, an upsurge of frustration debilitates my potential to nothing at all in no time. 

Life and its cruelties, most often eventuating in abysmal failures to learn from, hasn’t been fun to me at all. However hard I try to get rid of it, it manipulates me even more. 

Gradually, I began to lose my self-control. It made me feel that collecting myself together was beginning to be troublesome resulting in facing a precarious state of health.

Subsequently, I was out of the list of people enjoying their healthy lives. I had started accepting the fact that I hadn't been resilient any longer and very often I abandoned myself to despair. 

Then came the phase when I was at the mercy of doctors suggesting me medication for depression and anxiety which turned me into very temperamental. This irritable nature of mine left me no more desirable even for my own family which is too grievous to verbalize. And, when you are overburdened with not only your immediate family’s responsibility on your feeble shoulders but your siblings too, especially, two of whom need close attention day and night. One is addicted to drugs and other intoxicants and the other is a kind of mentally restarted due to an unseemingly never-ending stressful period of time the whole family had to suffer from. And yes forgetting this maddening atmosphere would be unjustifiable contributed by the parents trying their best to make it constantly possible was always there to make it go from bad to worse.

Now a question often occurs to me that what I have done to myself throughout my life is nothing but to make attempts after attempts to nurture this fantasy that one day I would live in a way I’ve always wanted. But fanaticizing didn’t do any good to change or undo it. This I can say with an absolute certitude that people with monotonous ways of leading their lives are mostly deprived of mental peace and finding solace in their lives remain one of their might-have-beens.